We went on the craziest 3 bus trip of our lives to get from Luang Prabang in Laos to Hanoi Vietnam and it took over 30 hours - it was local bus travel (not VIP aircon assigned seats bus!) I don't have much time but I think this story will make you laugh...
We got on the bus at 4-30pm on Sunday afternoon - our bags taken off our backs and thrown onto the roof (without being tied down - we were terrified they were going to bounce off mid way!) We realise that we don't have assigned seats and have to climb over an aisle full of packages and suitcases to get to the back where we squeezed into these tiny chairs and got stared at by a lot of people. We were then confused that the bus wasn't going where we expected, so that was a whole hullabaloo as everyone was looking at our ticket not sure if the bus actually went to our destination. We managed to terrify the hell out of another traveller in this process as we asked him where the bus was heading - he told us it was heading to 'Nong Khai' which we believed to be a city in Thailand and hence in the complete opposite direction to where we needed to be. He was actually trying to say Nong Kiaw which is a city in Northern Laos but also got confused when we told him he was going the wrong way. I think we may have ruined his bus trip and then we couldn't even get to the poor guy afterwards to apologise. An older western man in the back of the bus yells at us to just sit down, but we yell back that we may not be on the right bus and we are worried about our bags flailing about on the top of a bus, unanchored. We finally get a little settled (though still uneasy as we have no idea where we are even going!) until suddenly the bus pulls over - after about half an hour - to get petrol. We see this as an opportunity to see what the story is with our bags. Shelly disembarks and tries to find the bus driver who is now at a stall buying piles of cds to play on the ride (we would hours later wake up to Sean Paul blasting through the speakers!) We try and sleep but its impossible..there is a girl vomitting her poor lungs out right in front of me..I'm scared its going to go on the floor and roll back to me so I get out of my seat and sit amongst a ton of luggage and rice packages in the middle of the aisle. This was actually much more comfortable and gave us all more space. Shell was sitting next to a guy who worked doing goodness knows what on the bus (we figured he was working as we always found him climbing in and out of windows onto the roof and then back through different windows- once terrifying the life out of me! This gave us at least a little confidence that he was tying our bags down!) He fell asleep multiple times on Shell's shoulder and eventually after waking up embarrassed a couple of times, he vanished to somewhere in the front of the bus. We finally manage to get some sleep (a bare minimum!) and arrive at Sam Nua bus station after 15 hours to catch another bus to the border of Vietnam.
We arrive at 8-15am and head straight to the ticket counter. The man tells us in broken English that the bus left at 8am and there's only one bus a day. I almost cry (the town is so crappy we would have had to stay at the bus stand for 24 hours!!!) The look of desperation leads the guy to call the bus back for us and thank goodness we get on. There are just 5 people on the bus - we think "this is awesome!!!" We forget we are in Asia. The next half hour of driving around and we have a bus full to double past capacity. People are sitting on laps. Shelly and I are on a seat thats meant for 2 and a half people with 5 of us squished on. The small floor area in the front of this mini bus now has 8 people squatting together. We pass through the border crossing with no trouble and stop on the other side for lunch - we try to ask the small street noodle lady what she is selling and she stares at us blankly and shoos us away. It has now been 18 hours since the last time we ate anything. We finally get hold of a weird bread roll. We get back on the bus and notice there is now a bamboo cage of chickens squawking under our seat. The bus driver is driving like a madman and smoking and talking on the phone at the same time. He is also constantly stopping to pick up and drop off deliveries - a profitable smuggling business over the border I'm sure. We drive past another bus that has overturned into a stream on the side of the road. We learn from the legitamitely dazed and shocked French couple that climb onto the bus (having to pay a second fare!) that they were also trying to get to Hanoi but the driver was drunk. That certainly settles our nerves! We stop at a checkpoint and see a ferret hung by 1 paw and his neck squirming around off the tent - we get sad and want to drive on. The next thing we know the driver is paying these guards money and they pass him the ferret through the front window. The thing smells like death and is ferociously squirming and biting at everything. They pass this thing back through the bus right past our heads and hang it off the door in the bus. Eventually (after loud protests and squealing on our behalf - and hysterical laughing on behalf of the vietnamese) they find a cage and put it on the top of the bus - but for the whole journey we could just smell this poor dying animal. The woman in front of us is throwing up into a bottle so we give her the window seat and Jessie is now sitting on the floor against my legs. A few hours later we roll up to a cellphone shop and a guy donned in mafia gear (black vest with huge gold chains and earings) comes out and BUYS the FERRET. Now, we actually are completely gobsmacked. The poor animal is thrown from the top of the roof looking stiff as ever - though still moving a fraction and taken into the store with him and the driver and him exchange cash. We finally arrive for a dinner stop at 7pm. But we have no Vietnamese money to pay and there are no ATMs in sight. We get back on the bus only to be told we are changing buses (our bags are being thrown to another bus!) We get on this bus to find ZERO seats! (of course all the Vietnamese are in the know and have secured all the comfy spots!) They move us around and Im stuck in the very back with about an inch of leg room - one leg finds refuge in the air for the next 4 hours! - I also bruised my cocksyx a week ago so I have trouble sitting down as it is! The driver is swinging madly in and out of oncoming traffic and I have to constantly close my eyes to avoid seeing a massive truck coming at us. Every 2 minutes I'm raised off my seat a foot in the air over massive bumps and potholes. We arrive at 11pm (30 hours after leaving!!) and are pretty much thrown off the bus onto the side of the road into the jaws of the awaiting taxi drivers. We get sadistically ripped off by the taxi driver but are too tired to even notice at this point. We eventually find a good hostel, eat some rejuvenating pumpkin soup and PASS OUT.
And that is the story of how we arrived in Vietnam. It was a hilarious and ridiculous trip that I would never repeat in a million years BUT it was pretty entertaining and has brought us a lot of laughs in the couple of days since.
Home in 10 days!!!!! Seeeeeeeeeeeeee you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!
You are nuts!!!! Sounds like a weird kind of fun though!
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